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Another quiet Saturday, I had the intention to take a trip to the beer festival but I never actually executed this plan, I’d like to blame the fact that I pulled a lat during yesterday’s workout but I mostly just didn’t feel like going out. The only time that I left the flat was to pay the rent and get electricity for the meter. Sounds exciting doesn’t it?
I’ve been in a low/depressed/self-loathing mood all afternoon and evening. I haven’t talked to or messaged anyone and I’ve had a severe case of cabin fever with little to no motivation to do anything about it. I’m such a masochist! I’m not proud of it though, I’ll make sure to get some sunshine and walking done tomorrow. Staring at these four walls is starting to get to me!
Let’s start with Thursday shall we?
It was just like any other day at work except that the newer TL was off sick which translated into double the workload for the other TL. This then caused her to revert back to her behaviour prior to this month and rub many of us the wrong way again. More worryingly, our team were called into a meeting and told that from next week the majority of the evening shift (we’re on the morning shift) will be released and possibly even us! We’re getting replaced by an automated system and from the middle of next month all but 8 of us will be displaced, and places on other teams are limited. The future is looking bleak.
The day improved after I finished work though. My friend had confirmed that the evening was going ahead as planned so I had my dinner, had a bath and got changed before getting on the bus to the next town. She came and met me with the other guy after I stopped off to buy some white wine. At the house we all engaged in banter drinking wine (I got there at 9pm) well until around 3am when the other guy decided to go home. That left the both of us and we stayed up for a while before she suggested that we both lay down on her settee and she gave me a choice, either we were to lay top-to-tail or we would basically spoon (she never used that word though!). By default, as I was too nervous to actually answer, we did the latter and watched some more TV before we went to sleep.
She went to sleep, I didn’t sleep so well. Mistaking me for her boyfriend in her sleep (nothing illicit happened!) she turned around, wrapped her arm around my waist underneath my t-shirt and buried her face in my chest. The last time I was close like this was with you-know-who last August…
Friday!
I got up around 5.30am and took a taxi home (she was still drunk and asleep but I didn’t have much to drink at all hours before), got washed and changed and caught the bus to work an hour later. Today was back to normal, both TLs were in at work so the day was stressfree again. I emailed my manager letting him know where I would like to work (as we were asked to do during yesterday’s meeting. I also applied for six jobs online in order to step up my job search too.
I had my workout and spent a while messaging my friend about yesterday. My friend wants the three of us to have a night out but she didn’t remember getting me in a one-armed bearhug or me having to pry her off me in order for me to leave!
I must admit, I definitely have feelings for her and she knows for sure now (if she didn’t know already) that I’m attracted to her but she knows and trusts me to act correctly. I was expecting to have left her place a lot earlier but when I asked her about it earlier today she told me that she wouldn’t have kicked me out after I’d travelled all that way to see them. I’m starting to feel low again a bit but I’m relatively content right now. I’m not letting myself wonder if she lies me or not and I’ll remain keeping my distance from her but I’ll be looking to enjoy every conversation that we have in the future.
Another stressfree day at work! Rumblings are being heard in the office and all of the TLs disappeared for a while which possibly means that changes are afoot. Still no news about being reconsidered for that position either! I think the highlight of my day at work was having a brief interlude of sexual innuendo that was cut short by our newer TL (who didn’t want to hear anymore).
Today was hot again and walking wearing a shirt and tie made me sweat quite a bit. It was the same during my workout too, I was sweating profusely but I blame that on the water retention caused by the creatine. The night’s suddenly gotten hotter actually so I’ll need to top up my body’s water reserves for when I go to bed.
This morning I was messaged by my friend who apologised for getting drunk (and passing out). She invited me over to her house tomorrow night but she’s also invited her friend over as well who went to that event with us on the 28th April (it was actually the 27th but I had posted my usual entry when I got home). He’ll be our chaperone for the evening but the only problem is actually getting there. Once I get to her town then I’ll have to do at least 20mins of walking, and that’s if I find her house straight away! We’ll see if it goes ahead or not, the logistics are messed up but I really want to go! By the way, I haven’t really thought about her either. Are things looking up?
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Nobody:
American accents are such a turn on.
1. Dress Sharply: Although there’s more to us than the way we look dress and look, it can greatly affect the way we feel. When we think we don’t look good we often feel less confident. That changes how we act and interact with other people.
2. Increase your…
This evening’s been quite interesting! I’ll get to that later on.
On the way to work I realised that I had forgotten my wallet. Luckily I’d remembered to bring my pots of cottage cheese so throughout the day, all I had to eat was that and a large banana that I could only just afford from the canteen. I was required to do more lifting than usual but even though I was sweating I was glad that I had put on deodorant! It could’ve been very unpleasant and awkward in the office otherwise.
It’s been a nice day weatherwise. I just wanted to get that out of the way!
The evening has been tranquil. My friend messaged me on BBM and we chatted for a good while (she opened up the wine too). She revealed a screenmunch of a chat that she had with her best friend about me. Her friend lives in the same town as I do but is moving south and jokingly I was trying to talk her out of leaving because then my friend would possibly play tricks on me instead (I’ve only known this person for a few months). Fast forward back to the present, and it turns out that she believes that even though I was trying to get her to stay, I apparently want her gone so that I can have my friend all to myself. We both laughed about it and changed topic.
As she got more drunk the conversation got more serious and without broadcasting her private life here, we eventually had a heart-to-heart (if you go to this blog’s archive and read the post for the 5th May then you’ll have a fair idea of one particular subject matter). She even proposed staying with me for a while! I made sure not to agree or decline this (I’d love to spend more time with her) and as of 11.30pm I haven’t received anything, possibly meaning that she’s asleep. I care for my friend a lot more than I do about her but love isn’t involved here, things ended before we reached that point first time around so stay tuned and watch this space!
Just for a change I thought I’d use a picture of myself. No other reason really.
I woke up feeling a lot better physically but I didn’t feel any less depressed. In fact, on the way to work I felt worse! I had to compose myself in order for me not to have a meltdown right there on the bus. I’m hoping it was a one-off.
The situation at work is slowly heating up. It’s very much a cold war regarding how both factions treat each other but everyone is interested to see how things will develop.
I managed to have my workout! I’m not 100% yet but I didn’t struggle too much working my chest, triceps and abs. Could my time off from training have contributed to my depressed mood? I’m just throwing it out there.
She made contact with me earlier via FB informing me that she may come to the flat on Friday after her appointment (I’m assuming during the daytime) and that there is a chance that her medical condition could help her get her own place quicker. Good news! I made sure to post a status about me getting a fresh start earlier than expected and that I’m not living the life that I want to live. A big hint which should make my intentions known. It’s only a matter of time before I’m spoken for again and right now she won’t like it, but it’s what I want. Enough said.