I skipped work after all
I woke up nice and early but once again I was dreading going to work. My start time is 7am and I woke up again at 6.15am, clearly too late to arrive on time. My next thought was to see if I could stay in bed without my brother noticing that I was still in bed but that was a bust, several minutes later he switched on the living room light and seemed to be staring into my now “not so dark” room, wondering if he was actually seeing me laying in the bed or not. I took this as my cue to get up (after a short delay) and got washed and changed as if I were still going to work. He left to catch his bus and once he was gone I removed my coat, sat back down and fastened my gaze to my laptop screen, where it stayed save for small periods when I would eat a fried dumpling or two.
I stayed that way almost all day, I watched some TV too but I was mostly focused on fixing my micro SD card. Alas, it may be dead but until its replacement arrives around Christmas, I will continue to work on resurrecting it. I’ve tried Chkdsk, formatting through Windows, downloading other programs and attempting to delete the corrupted files (which are now inaccessible) via safe mode. Nothing works!
At least my delivery of creatine mono tablets and instant oats arrived, I still needed to buy food so I walked to the shopping centre to get some supplies. On the way there I came across a group of Eastern European men who were loud and drunk by the lake. For the first time in many years I felt very wary and walked past calmly but took a different route home on the way back. It may have been foolish to tempt fate by passing by them whilst carrying two bags of shopping. My brother came back straight after work too.
I’m not sure if I’ve already come to this conclusion (if I’m repeating myself then just bear with me) but I truly believe that my exes are strong fixations for me. When I mean “exes”, I’m including my attractive friend because of our history and I’m convinced now that if experience is anything to go by, I will never truly get past this until I just simply lose interest. In other words, I have to let things run their course and not force things to eclipse my failed lovelife. I’m also getting more and more certain that it’s a good thing that nothing’s happened between me and my friend. I think it’s a bad idea although if she were to proposition me (sober) then I doubt that I would refuse this time. These thoughts carried through into my workout but I know now to keep on and persevere anyway.